how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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