thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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