i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
