you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is Oprah even human
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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