Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
