shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
