I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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