I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
