just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did i walk over a car last night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
