I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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