Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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