idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
