I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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