listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
