My friends, they love my intelligence
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
