All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
