Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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