Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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