Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
