the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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