Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
