You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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