The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
