you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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