I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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