oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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