Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
