birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
