Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize