his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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