Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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