I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize