I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Panties = found
Randomize
