found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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