Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

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  (850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hptp
  Replies (11) Good night (866) Bad night (3514)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?

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  (360): on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you? http://tfl.nu/kgxf
  Replies (50) Good night (1413) Bad night (9434)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

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  (206): at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception. http://tfl.nu/j51s
  Replies (34) Good night (1716) Bad night (4759)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."

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  (870): I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now." http://tfl.nu/2m30
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (2424)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.

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  (413): he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home. http://tfl.nu/1p9s
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (3395)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.

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  (316): Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her. http://tfl.nu/l2pb
  Replies (31) Good night (4511) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing

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  (630): you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing http://tfl.nu/mpy9
  Replies (6) Good night (2861) Bad night (753)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.

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  (551): The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet. http://tfl.nu/8f2g
  Replies (7) Good night (2646) Bad night (796)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.

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  (+44): I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy. http://tfl.nu/np1e
  Replies (3) Good night (3600) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.

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  (618): I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/619k
  Replies (2) Good night (1711) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back

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  (847): Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back http://tfl.nu/ffo4
  Replies (6) Good night (1226) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.

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  (714): You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/bbnq
  Replies (6) Good night (1262) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit

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  (207): you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit http://tfl.nu/zspy
  Replies (3) Good night (1515) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it

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  (630): its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it http://tfl.nu/8bew
  Replies (5) Good night (997) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message

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  (216): Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message http://tfl.nu/1r6g
  Replies (5) Good night (419) Bad night (408)

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