apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his