i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.