I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
