Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level