What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.