my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.