I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
