not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
