Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
