Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
