I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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