woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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