I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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