We named our party play list daddy issues
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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