stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize