dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
