yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
