If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
