Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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