there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
