It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
PANTIES FOUND
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
