Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
