It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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