My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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