areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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