i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
