When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
