i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
