a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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